What Am I Doing Here?

Probably everyone’s thought about what the purpose of life is.  Why are we really here and what are we meant to be doing?  For me, this question never leads to a very satisfactory ending.  In fact, it often leads me into a downward spiral of how I’m living my life terribly and should be doing more.  Thing is, it’s often easy to see what one ‘should’ be doing or what is the ‘right’ thing to do: I should brush my teeth twice a day, I should exercise three times a week, I should do my homework in an efficient manner, I should help others, give back, make the most of my time, and so on and so on.  Following through is a completely different story.  I may know what I’m doing wrong in my life – not eating healthy enough, getting enough exercise, doing enough work – but putting in the effort to fix it? Sounds hard.

Many times I lie in bed trying to fall asleep and I think about what I plan to accomplish the following day.  Often I am enthused and plan to be really productive and complete all these things I’ve been meaning to do.  Or I’m inspired by something that happened, someone I saw, or something I heard and want to do better, be more like that person, or do more and I’ll plan to work harder when I have some free time.  But no matter my intentions, when it comes to free time, I hardly ever do anything useful.  I’ve been working and now I have free time, why wouldn’t I relax? Why would I do more active work? Maybe it’s part of being introverted that I feel I need to have some useless time to recharge.  Or maybe I’m just plan lazy.  What will it take for me to be more productive? To lead a better life?

I want this.  I want that.  I need to do this.  I need to be that.  But it won’t happen.  I hate my procrastination but I won’t stop.  I want to be fit but I won’t exercise.  I want to be skinny but I can’t eat better.  I want to explore the world more, but I rarely leave my house.  I need to do more, but I waste my time doing nothing of importance.  How do you get out of this rut?  How do you make an impact on the world? What’s the point of even being here?

Many people want to be remembered.  Want to have an impact on the world.  Be a role model.  Make the world a better place.  I have been blessed with so much.  Material things and privilege.  And I want to help those who aren’t so fortunate, but I don’t.  And most people don’t.  Either we are too busy with other things or don’t know how to help and we just live our lives while others are suffering.  And what’s the point? Why do we do it? What are we going to do about it?

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